BOYS TO MEN

Over the weekend my friends and i got to facilitate a group that had come for team building at Daystar University (it has the facilities if you ever want to drop by and its cheap). Anyway it was a group of 58 men and they had requested their facilitators to be only men but there was a miscommunication and we got included. Since we couldn’t interact with them in low elements our boss assigned the ladies the high ropes course. If you have participated in high ropes before you know what happens but just in case you haven’t i will explain a bit. There are two people important in a ropes course a belayer and a climber, a belayer is someone who exerts friction on a climbing rope so that a falling climber does not fall far, or basically belaying is a safety partnership between a climber and belayer. I was a belayer, and this is not an easy job and more so my small demeanour doesn’t make it easier. Something in that whole activity stood out for me. I belayed over 15 very able bodied men and there is no greater feeling of satisfaction than countering the doubts that those men had that i actually knew what i was doing. Picture this, a big guy currently playing for the Kenya Rugby Team safely belayed by a girl weighing 48kgs and he is 40ft above the ground walking on a rope scared shitless. There is no greater feeling, i have never been so excited. I had all the curse words anyone can ever hear in a day, earnest prayer, some men calling out their mothers’ names others warning me that their wives had my number and they would call me if they got hurt. It was magic to see what fear can do to a person, it strips you off your ego, personality, status, (I belayed a local celebrity who requested me not to tell people of his experience and how he was scared and screaming) does not care about gender and at that moment you forget who you are and all that matters is your safety. I am still reaping the fruits of every second that day. My arms hurt like crazy. My eyes are still bloodshot, and i am still fatigued. But i would still choose team building activities any day...everyone should try especially high ropes and other outdoor activities it is a wonderful experience

i am back

Dearest blog, I am sorry i have been away for so long. Sorry that i had lost sense of why i opened you. Honestly i have no genuine excuse why i havent been posting. I have been lazy. I spend my free time bumming and telling meaningless tales. I used to write them down in my journal but i stopped for the reasons above. But now i am back. I promise to be posting often. I have missed you and i loved the direction you used to provide in my life. My life has been miserable.

Guess what? am currently reading Steve Jobs biography by Walter Isaacson and it is a very interesting book. I will tell you all about it when am done. yours truly Muthoni

BAD BOY

(p.s notice the time difference in which the text messages are replied.)
5:00 PM : phone rings, i check who is calling, not important, i hang up,
phone rings again i hang up
5:01 pm : text message same person lets call him Ferrari, hey was
calling to check up on you
10:35pm: i reply text, sorry i was sleeping am good
10:36pm : Ferrari- where you at?
10:50pm : me- at my house
10:52pm : Ferrari: am outside your house, a knock at the door.
I open my door to find Ferrari standing at the door half a bottle of minute maid in 1 hand an umbrella in the other and a wide grin on his face. Questions flood my mind as i throw a disinterested hey his way. He makes himself welcome and the first question i ask is, 'why do you visit people at night? ‘He laughs, am pissed because that question was not funny. He asks how my weekend was and i explain in 1 0r 2 lines before he jumps in to explain to me how his was. He goes on to tell me how since he is a bad boy his life involves partying hard and more partying so he has been drinking all weekend long (insert Nigerian accent). I promise to Google exactly who is a bad boy after he leaves because at this point am very confused. Deathly silence follows afterwards, i count the number of mosquitoes in my house, the number of tiles on the kitchen counter, and I rearrange and arrange my house afresh in my head as I wait for conversation to flow. I can see him staring at me from the corner of my eye. The seconds drag, the eerie silence not amusing apparently the screeching crickets only have a party when am sleeping. Do you enjoy my company? he finally asks. Not at all, i retort. At this point i maintain eye contact to make sure i see his expression and drive the message home. I explain to him why he is boring company, as he is too quiet and silence gives me the creeps, it also makes the mouth smell and i don’t like odour I add. At this point i expect him to walk out but no he makes himself comfortable and tells me how he is not a quiet person its just something about me that makes him quiet at this point i switch off and am about to doze off when he asks me what i like about him. Am startled, he is wrong for assuming i like anything about him because i don’t am just trying to be nice. I rephrase his question in my head and smile to myself. He asks me not to go for my Monday lectures and we stay indoors all day, at this point i laugh; a hearty laugh, i would not trade my overly boring Monday lectures to spend five more minutes with Ferrari. On his last attempt to redeem himself he asks me to accompany him to his house and sleep over there. At first i thought i heard wrong but on second thought he meant what he was telling me. At this point i think it is time to give him a reality check, i tell him am disinterested in his romantic overtures, wouldn’t hook up with a person am struggling to have conversation with and definitely how he was not my type. But Ferrari was relentless he interrupted me saying how i was a nice beautiful girl who is missing out on good opportunities like having a boyfriend like himself.(haha i checked myself into a mental institution)
1:03 am i have had enough of the bullshit he is telling me and i see him out of my house, he promises to call as he gives me a chance to think about his advice.
Urban dictionary defines a bad boy as a willful, independent person, who does what he wants, when he wants it, does not follow trends, trends follow him; he often looks scruffy, but hip, he is not looking for trouble, but there is a danger about him and this makes him irresistible to women. Ferrari possesses none of this characteristics, he tries so hard to be someone he is not and he thrives in labeling himself a bad boy. A bad boy unlike Ferrari isn’t always seeking reassurance he is a confident man at ease with the women can date a woman of his choice because of his status. He does not have the time for ladies like me to trample all over his ego.
I feel for men like Ferrari, they try so hard at something that they should not be. If only he tried that much to be himself and not somebody else maybe, just maybe he would stand a chance.
it is around 2.00am as i draft this particular text message it reads,' i know what i want and wont apologize for it and it is definitely not you' i don’t press the send button,i dont know the timeline ferrari gives to his advice sinking but i wait for his phonecall in the meantime i save the message!!!!!

IN THE VALENTINES SPIRIT

He promised to bring me flowers, red roses to be particular and wine not for me to drink alone but for us to have a quiet evening together( what he meant to say was for him to see my inner thighs). It was not valentines, Christmas, my birthday nor our anniversary it was just a normal day in December. He was big on flattery, the smooth talker i must agree. He even sent me texts about how i was his new year resolution and to the extremes of whether i hire dicks on contract???i lost his number but not before i made it clear i am not interested, the man had the nerve to tell me i did not know what i was looking for in a relationship and he was just the one and you can guess am still single.I bumped into him recently and he walked right past me and i started wondering what are we twelve years ?To the point of the story above, its valentines and i will be dancing to a solo tune again. Am kinda feeling sorry for myself because a pal of mine recently told me i am very complicated and i will end up a 30 something year old spinster. I am not complicated nor proud as some are misguided and i don't feel the need to defend it but i just want some one who gets me that's all i ask for. I have certain demands but i will only state one, call me weird but this is me. I have a penchant for good smell, a good scent on a man which depends on how well groomed they are and what is their taste in cologne. I have a friend who never gets it wrong the grooming and his two famous scents Ferrari black cologne by Ferrari and truth by Calvin Klein.

There is something deeply satisfying about a man who smells as good as my friend. The scent on them is suggestive, commands attention, intrudes upon my consciousness and wraps around me all day. It hints at something, makes me conjure images that am not supposed to be having and gives me reason to hug them every time i bump into them. But most men go wrong with this, they ignore the value of a good scent, and perfect grooming and those are the kind that have been coming my way. still wondering why i am still single?????

INCONSISTENT

I had signed up for some volunteer work at the end of last year to be done this year. On January 2nd at around 9.30 pm i received a text message stating that i had been cut out of the list that had been selected to do the work. The text went on further to state that my inconsistency in attending training the last year was the reason why i would not join the group.
On normal occasions i take insouciance to a whole new level and let things slide easy but this text bothered me. Being called inconsistent when i had been nothing but that was a tad bit insulting. The mind is a vivid place and i imagined all sorts of things that the text did not say. Maybe something like we do not find the services you render satisfying enough or we have chosen the best and we do not thik you cut the bar or just something better than being called inconsistent. I was hurt because according to my standards when i do something i give it my all. I took offence in not only what the text did say but also what it did not say. I replayed an episode in my head where i would be confronting the leader of the volunteer group in the regard to the above. Maybe he would start by defining his understanding of the word consistency and honestly i saw him struggling, his speech getting slower, avoiding eye contact because he knew he had been unfair to me. The sigh of victory. But i also imagined losing the battle him shutting me out before i even began questioning his judgement and telling me he had the powers to do so and just like a cat that has been rained on i would walk out of his ofice with my tail between my legs. But ey, this is life which brings me to the reason why i wrote this article. After that experience i began to question a lot of things in my life. Did i lie to myself am good at something and other people thought otherwise? I questioned even the existence of this blog. Maybe it is in my head that i can put thoughts into words to make something worth reading.
All i could come up with was one thing ,WE CANNOT ALL BE GREAT IN THE EYES OF EVERYBODY, but what is really the bone of contention to me is in everything we do did we do it to the best of our capability? Did we give it our all and therefore are we the best at the level we are supposed to be at? God never created us as equals we all have a purpose and a level we are supposed to be at and it is at this level that we gauge ourselves and i guess i have been doing alright.

TO KISS 100 MEN

A little over three years ago i was reading a book; a life changing book. The title, TO KISS 100 MEN. This title challenged me, i did not want to learn the art of good kissing from taking up this challenge no, i just hoped to sample at least a number.The variety that there is; tender, sweet, violent, passionate, unexpected, strong, timid, stormy, sensual, liberating, etc.) i wanted to experience it all. As the book says i just might have found my prince charming note the tense used. The challenge began immediately and i encountered the diversity there is in how people kiss. I met amateur kissers, good kissers, star kissers, big lips, small lips, soft lips,cracked lips,dry lips, extra soft lips and you can bet the experience was different with every one of them. I obeyed the rules of the game immediately they asked for something more than a kiss i bolted, real fast the guy was left wondering what he did wrong. I wrote and described every kiss in detail after it happened, memoirs are important there were those that did not need too much describing two words like PK MOMENTS served the purpose, i hope they never wonder why i never went back for more...yuck. The challenge went on for a while. Do not judge i never got to 100 and no am not suffering from any diseases.And then one day just like in the book i found THE 1 that great kisser. Just like Annie Evett(blogger) would say it I sank into the sensuousness of his soft lips, warm and yielding skin and body, wet and willing tongue, drowned in the smell of their musky skin as i experienced the tingle down my spine, behold how i loved the giddy light headed feeling after wards. It was the kind of kissing like in the book that makes the world stop, the one that occupied a big chunk of my diary. I bet the guy had recognized his talent and worked on it real good. I forgot it was all a game and i fell real hard, head over heels. Most of the time we get mixed up, we tend to deny but hey i got caught up, confused in the heaveneness of it all i forgot the book was a work of fiction. I broke the rules of the game and just like fate would have it i got burnt. It was too late when i realized I WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE MELTING IN THE SENSUOUSNESS(he was blessed with the gift of sharing).Experiences; I was wrong to read too much into a kiss. and minus the good looks, great body, being a skilled kisser and a self declared claim to offer torrid sex the guy had nothing else going on for him.

When the clock ticked midnight

Its been almost a month since i turnd 21.I should have uploaded this article a long time ago! I cant help but reminiscence things that happened when i turned 20,good or bad!too many bad things happend on the eve of my birthday last year. My current boyfriend was in bed with another woman(just sleeping btw)and i guess the realisations afterwards began my stuck on stupid moments.i have done a million things that i look back and regret,things am so ashamed of!i have gone back to an ex(worst mistake ever)exes never work issues will always be the same!i have drank myself stupid!smoked up some really bad ass shyiet!in that period i created the most embarassing moments of my lyf!memories i laugh to myself all alone!and all this was commenced by what happend when the clock ticked midnight on 30.09.2010.so many things have changed since!i have ruined my reputation,lost faith in the sanctity of relationships but in all this i have learnt one thing i write my own destiny!iam whom i make myself to become. And today as i write this blog,i want my 21 year to be different, 1 month down the line has got me thinking how different is it from the past!i tried replaying an episode of my 20 by making another mistake,learning point. Am rekindling broken relationships!wassup mum!this has been hard but i believe we getting there.i shed a few tears when the clock ticked midnight a month ago!i was happy to be 21 the hell i was ecstatic that despite the mistakes of my 20 God was still faithful to see me through another year!realising the past is not my potential am chosing to liberate my future!hello 21 am loving this!!!